I have adapted. I can ride a bike. I embrace the few hours of sunlight I have. I wash my own clothes, cook my own food and shop for groceries. But I still can't find my place here in terms of people.
It takes a great deal of effort for me and quite a lot of time to trust someone. To feel connected to someone. Not even in a romantic way, just in terms of friendship. I wish I already had someone I could go to at 3 am in the morning, knock on their door and talk about things that are troubling me. But I don't.
Sometimes I feel great, I'm very positive and I smile at strangers on the streets. But I can't put up that happy face all the time, it takes energy, and it can't just be fueled on happy thoughts. There has to be some actual happy things happening to me if I want to remain positive. I don't want the sadness to overcome me. But I don't know what I should do, it's not a matter of rushing things.
I just want someone that'll watch a movie in my room with me, eat what I cook, cook for me, take me out shopping, or simply welcome me in their room whenever I knock with no specific reason. I just need a friend. A real friend.