If there's something I regret in my life right now, and I probably will even more when I'm older, it's missing out on so many things because of my fear of rejection and sometimes ridicule.
When I was little I remember I was leaving my grandparents' place and saying goodbye to everyone, then I enthusiastically leaned towards my aunt with my cheek up high to give & receive a goodbye kiss but she didn't see me. I just stood there with my eyes closed, on my tiptoes, just to realize no one was gonna answer that kiss and I felt pretty god damn stupid. That was the first of many experiences to come.
Everyday I see people, such as my friends interacting with others in ways that I have never tried, because I don't feel comfortable doing so, because if I try doing that I feel fake, like I'm acting. Some examples are: the way some of my friends interact with little kids, or how good they are at small talk with others' parents. Even though I absolutely adore my nephew Santiago, I just sit and watch him do stuff, follow him around and laugh with him, but I'm never able to start talking to him like others and ask in a retarded playful tone: 'What are you doing Santi?' or 'Is that you're robot? Wow it's so cool! And it's red! Wow!'. That's simply not me. Some of my friends could talk to my parents for hours even back in elementary school, and be so nice and polite that it sickened me. Even though it's not like me to do that stuff, and in some cases, it sickens me to see people do that, I'm still jealous of these abilities and I wish I had them sometimes. Why? Well simply because there's a lot to be learned from everyone, especially your elders. If I was able to open up more with my grandfather, I think I could learn a lot from him, but every time I'm left alone with him we just sit in this deep, awkward silence until somebody else comes.
So yeah, I like being myself, including the bad parts of it, but sometimes I wish I could let go of these issues for a while so I could give people a chance to get to know me, and so I could have the opportunity to learn more from them.