Last night I only got one hour of sleep. I went into a sudden, but short, depression, while thinking about death. Not my own, because I've realized that I shouldn't be scared of it, but of the ones I love. I thought specifically about my parents.
I was reading the diary my mom started when I was a baby, in just half a notebook she was able to capture several moments of me in my early days. Then it hit me. It hit me like a freakin' airplane on a twin tower, like a tsunami on a tiny crab. My parents aren't always going to be here for me. One day, they will die, and I will have to carry on and keep on living, and it's going to be very hard at first. My parents have always supported me and provided unconditional love, they have never hurt me, and they always want what's best for me. Not everyone can say that, a lot of people have big issues with their parents. I know I'm lucky. We don't have big fights, and we have a pretty good communication going on between each other.
I'm surprised though, that they haven't gone (from what I've seen) into a midlife crisis of some sort though. Just by reading my mom's diary, and my own (which I found shortly after), I got scared. I got scared because my childhood is in the past, and I will never live that again. Did I make the most out of it? I can only hope I did.
But really, back to my parents, what will I do when they're gone? Something I'm very scared of, is being alone, if by then I don't have someone that truly cares about me, I might become something I hate. The worst side of me might stick and destroy the best one due to lack of affection. And then I thought, that it doesn't have to be that way. I can still focus all my love on someone, it could be my husband, yes, but if there'll be a reason why I should keep on going after my parents are no longer with me, it'll be a son or daughter of my own. Yes, it's too soon to think about that, but I had never really thought about children in that way. After last night I realized that love between parents and their kids is the most poweful thing, and one day I would like to feel that.
Another thing I thought, is that I would always like to remember my parents and have them with me. I mean, I'll obviously save thousands of photographs and videos, but I've been thinking. Tattoos something permanent that I'll have with me always, and I don't want to regret getting one because it lacks meaning or because I might get sick of it. I will never regret having the memory of my parents on me, and I will never get sick of it, so I'm thinking, I'll get a tattoo in their honor. Even though they're still with me, I know I want it. I still don't know what it's going to be like, I would like to have an image that represents them on me, more than their names or something. I guess I should just give it more thought, and I'll even ask them what they think.
We should all appreciate our parents at all times, when you're mad at them, think about all they've done for you, and be thankful because no one will ever love you in that way again.