Sunday, September 27, 2009


Moving on with our lives is something that seems very automatic, but when you really analyze it you see it's much more complicated. Did you slowly give up things you liked and changed them for new things? Maybe it's for the best. We're supposed to change during time right? We can't always stay the same. But we when you really think about where you are now, and where you were 5 or 10 years ago... it can really get to you.

Last night I was up at 4 or 5 a.m. thinking about this. Only a few years ago I was living in the small town of Cuernavaca with my mom. Life seemed so simple and easy. My life was school and computer games mostly. Things like food or laundry were never of any concern to me, I had it all easy. I spent a lot of time at home and subsequently with my mom. I had a small group of friends.

Now, everything has changed. I'm living in the Netherlands, in a room, by myself. I don't see my mother at all except through Skype, although I do get to see my dad every weekend or so. Food and laundry are things I have to take care of myself, as well as many other issues that involve more and more paperwork and 'adult stuff'.

Sometimes I wonder, would it ever be possible to go back? You know, just go back to the start. Move back to Cuernavaca in a few years, with my mom. Back to the safe and comfort of home. Would it be possible to do that? If so, how unhealthy would that be? It would probably set me back a lot. But it's a nice though when you're being so nostalgic, thinking: "My childhood is over and soon my teenager days will be long gone too..."

I'm still very scared of not living my life to the fullest sometimes. Of not getting it right the first time, and of doing something and then finding out I didn't want that in the end... Of course I can't live in fear, but it just gets to me sometimes you know?

Only sometimes...

No comments:

Post a Comment