Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Rook

I do believe I have been in love. Though I could be wrong. Either way, it felt good. But being single again isn't bad at all. I can be just as happy when I'm single. I missed the sense of freedom I used to have, and now it's back and I don't feel like letting it go for a while.
The thing is though... I think I'm scared to fall for someone again. I don't wanna be a fool for anybody, I don't wanna have to get tangled up again just to see that it doesn't work out in the end, and go through all the pain once more.
I guess in a way, it's like getting a rook piercing. It looks so pretty but it hurts so much that if it fell out, you'd have to think twice if it's worth going through all the pain just to put it back on.
In time, I think I'll obviously be able to get over this and find someone, but what if I'm not careful and I accidently just start doing the things I do. Feeling lonely, especially now that I'll live by myself, wishing I had someone. It would be a mistake to look for someone just to fill that hole. Because that hole belongs to my friends & family who aren't here for me, not for someone who I'd be in a relationship with. It would be like trying to fit the square into the circle hole in one of those kid's toys. It just won't do.
Avoiding this type of mistake seems pretty easy to me, all in all. There's just one thing. One person. Every time we speak, it happens again. Shiny eyes, almost drooling, trying to think of the next clever thing to say and always talking too much. Always trying to impress, but looking like a fool. Will I ever get over him? Or is it just that I shouldn't give up on it?
It seems to me like I should. It's no use right now. I have four years of nothing but dutchdutchdutch. No time to daydream about this right now.
I'll just distract myself as I have before. I have enough on my hands to keep me busy.

1 comment:

  1. Ericsito te lo voy a decir en español... es que ahorita a estas horas no me sale el inglés...
    Sé perfectamente en qué situación estás y así... y aunque sé que no hemos hablado por msn y face y estás enojadito conmigo pues... me metí a mi mail y vi tu blog y me dieron muchas ganas de contestar esta entry...
    como que siento que el amor siempre lo vas a ver... de diferentes maneras pero a lo largo de tu vida siempre te va a acompañar. Entonces ahorita que estás solito y piensas en tus amigos (aunque no me incluyas) y en tu familia como que se hace pesado que estés en un lugar lejano con una pena de amor(aunque digas que ya no la sientes... que yo sé que si) y toda tu gente por acá... pero a lo que quiero llegar es que hay que seguir arriesgando porque a veces se gana... y con esto te digo que a veces el amor llega por un buen rato y te llena y te sientes completo... pero cuando se va deja ruina a su paso... siento que así es esto y hay que seguir echándole ganas así te defraude o te llene... tu sigue creyendo en el amor...
    Yo sé qué es lo que sientes, que aunque digas que ya estás bien como que se queda algo que te recuerda y cosas que lastiman y canciones etc.
    Pero bueno... no sé si fui de ayuda o no pero te dejo una frase que me gusta:
    Nada te turbe,
    nada te espante,
    todo se pasa,
    Dios no se muda.
    La paciencia
    todo lo alcanza;
    Quien a Dios tiene
    nada le falta;
    Sólo Dios basta.
    -Teresa de Avila